Dear Adriann,

I was in the Newsagent the other day looking for the latest issue Computer Age and I accidentally picked up this Porno magazine. Being suddenly stimulated by its contents I decided what the heck, it’s been four years since the wife left, I might try that sex thing she use to go on about all the time.

Since you seem to be this publications expert in such matters and my last experience of this nature would have been in sometime in1983, my question is this, ‘what do I say to a person such as yourself when I would like to engage her in sex ?’

I have since tried several lines in the last week such as, “Beautiful girl we appear to have compatible love organs would you like to integrate them?”

And acting on advice from other articles in your publication,

“Want a root?”

My face and testicles are still extremely sore and your advice will be greatly appreciated.

Yours truly,