A First for ‘Man’

It was just another night at indoor cricket ‘losin and boozin.’ This particular night, a female friend of mine who I hadn’t seen for a few years showed up. We had been friends but never been intimately involved in any way.

When I last saw her she was fairly attractive but the years had not been kind to her. She had tripled in weight and let her appearance go completely.

Still I’m never a person to turn down a drink, so we spent many hours in the bar till the manager of the place finally kicked us out about 1 O’Clock. I was pissed as, she had driven that night and I was faced with a long walk home. She agreed to drive me home but we decided to wait a while till she felt more sober.

So we sat around the carpark and talked. After a while the excessive amount of alcohol she had consumed started to catch up on her and she barfed a couple of times. Being the caring, sharing male that I am I comforted her.

This comforting was a big mistake, she took it to mean physical attraction and believe me that was not on my mind at all. She began touching and feeling me but no matter what she did there was no attraction.

However I realised if I was going to get a lift home, she wanted some action in return.

“ What the fuck I thought.” she still had a pretty good set of baps, I’ll give her a quick root.

I grabbed one of her norks and this set her off like an animal. She wanted to kiss me but the taste of spew was just to much. She ripped off her blouse, “Hey her tits were allright!” They were large and firm and would have looked OK with some of my spoonter on them. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

I went to suck on them and she brushed me away.

“ Fuck me” she begged.

With that she ripped down her undies and revealed her big fat wrinkly bush.

I closed my eyes and dipped the poor fella who was still moderately excited from the sight of pert bossom. No tit fucking tonight its sewerage farm for you. Life can be disappointing for a young penis as it quickly learned. After several minutes of absolute disgust the poor fella started to bail on me. Deflating, dejected and still a full load, hidden far inside his carry case.

Thinking quickly.

For the first and only time in perhaps living history, I, a man, faked an orgasm.